Traditional authority is a beautiful myth. The way you mock the facade online makes all the difference.

The technicolor pity party.

Enter a monumental gallery of monumental breakdowns. Here, the historical armor of traditional masculinity doesn't just crack—it throws a temper tantrum in technicolor. These surrealist portraits explore the ultimate existential mystery: what, exactly, do they have to cry about?

Crying Self Portrait 1, oil on canvas, 36 x 24, 2026, $1250

Crying Self Portrait 1, oil on canvas, 36 x 24, 2026, $1250

Crying Self Portrait 2, oil on canvas, 28 x 21, 2026, $900

Crying Self Portrait 2, oil on canvas, 28 x 21, 2026, $900

Crying Self Portrait 3, oil on canvas, 24 x 18, 2026, $750

Crying Self Portrait 3, oil on canvas, 24 x 18, 2026, $750

Metro Cryer, oil on wood panel, 18 x 19, 2017, SOLD

Metro Cryer, oil on wood panel, 18 x 19, 2017, SOLD

Hipster Cryer, oil on wood panel, 24 x 21, 2017, SOLD

Hipster Cryer, oil on wood panel, 24 x 21, 2017, SOLD

Old Man Cryer 1, oil on wood panel, 24 x 18, 2017, SOLD

Old Man Cryer 1, oil on wood panel, 24 x 18, 2017, SOLD

Old Man Cryer 2, oil on wood panel, 10 x 10, 2017, SOLD

Old Man Cryer 2, oil on wood panel, 10 x 10, 2017, SOLD

Ginger Cryer, oil on wood panel, 9 x 10, 2017, SOLD

Ginger Cryer, oil on wood panel, 9 x 10, 2017, SOLD

Cowboy Cryer, oil on wood panel, 25 x 22, 2017, SOLD

Cowboy Cryer, oil on wood panel, 25 x 22, 2017, SOLD